He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
