How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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