he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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