ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
