You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
