I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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