God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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