i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
