I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
