Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
