2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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