oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
