im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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