I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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