i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
