why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
