winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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