weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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