You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize