He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
