actually, I'm a sock model
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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