I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize