Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
