You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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