I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
