Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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