I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
vagina is talking i cant
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
