I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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