Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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