no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
