quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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