I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
