he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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