Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
