Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
