We won't sleep together?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
