I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize