I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
