This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
