we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
