please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
