You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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