we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
