the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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