My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
