Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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