If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
