Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
