Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i think i have herpe
just one?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm at about main and main street
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize