Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
