Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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