My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
