I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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