i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Ketchup is God's man juice
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
