I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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