just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Are my feet made of real feet?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
