you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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