she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
