So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
accomplished twins. life is a go
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
