You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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