she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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