Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
