Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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