It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
