at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
