I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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