i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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