my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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