it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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